May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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