so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
