Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
