Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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