I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
