he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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