You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
