I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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