Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
