she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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