I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
