We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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