Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
