Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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