i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
