also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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