drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
