Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
