I smell stomach acid.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
