Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions