look no pants
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.