So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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