You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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