is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
