as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
