To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
