so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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