i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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