Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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