He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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