i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
