New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
