Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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