If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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