If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
