dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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