Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
