some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
