dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
