I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
