after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize