Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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