I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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