we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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