I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
accomplished twins. life is a go
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize