One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.