Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
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I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster