ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
