Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
