I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"