doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Randomize
