Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
