my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
