I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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