When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
