I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
