remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
