I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
