i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
