i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
