My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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