Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize