3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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