My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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