Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
