Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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