I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
