doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
