are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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