hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
