Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
